Update

After I got off of work yesterday, Tim gave me the full story. The doctor said his counts have gone up a lot in a short amount of time and if this next treatment doesn't work, we should speak with hospice. And in his opinion, Tim would only have weeks or months to live.

I've spent a lot of time thinking about this. And after the initial shock and sadness, I have finally realized that I have absolutely no control. I've never had it and why it has taken me this long to figure it out is beyond me. I am constantly trying to figure out the why. I want to see the big picture. I have a million questions but it comes down to one thing. Only God knows the future and the plans he has for us. To spend my energy in this way is pointless. And quite frankly, it's exhausting.

I know the next couple of weeks will be hard especially since I am prone to worry and expect the worse. And so, while I certainly appreciate the doctor's honesty, I have decided; it will not defeat me. I will not be saddened by it. There is still a Hope. And regardless of the outcome, I will take care of my Timmy and let God handle the rest.